Alice Wilton (45) joined the Safe House team at the end of September 2018. Even though this is a busy period for Safe House and she is still setting in, she found the time to tell us a bit more about herself.
What has been the biggest highlight working for Safe House so far?
As a board member we redrafted the constitution of the safe house to align it with my personal belief system, i.e. that dignity can be restored through social justice. We implemented several social justice projects and have seen the impact of it on the women.
Why do you think domestic violence is so rife in South Africa?
Our communities have allowed value systems to be eroded with influences of television. Our children are raised to accept violence as part of everyday life. It has become the “new normal.” Our communities glorify misogynistic and abusive behaviour, in government, business and society in general. Victims suffer secondary abuse by their own community members without consequence. We must rise to make a change.
How can ordinary people make a difference in the lives of the victims at Safe House?
Our communities must speak out against gender based violence. There are not enough SAPS, politicians, prosecutors, etc. to fight the scourge of violence. Our communities must all stand together to fight crime. Giving your time and volunteering is also a great way to make a difference.
What’s the next big fundraising drive at Safe House?
25th of November 2018-16 days of activism
What do you hope to accomplish within the next 6 months?
Create a different business case for the Safe House.
More about Alice…
Hobbies : Reading
Super power : I walk without feeling the bottom of my feet. God “piggy backs” me.
Random fact about yourself : I have one beautiful son.
Most recent book you’ve read: Unstoppable by Christine Caine
It’s that time of the year again, spring, which is a time to clean and clear out the house. This time of the year is also perfect for new beginnings, it doesn’t have to be a New Year’s only thing.
Decluttering and clearing out the closet and the rest of the house, does leave you feeling refreshed. The action of doing something you’ve been meaning to do for ages, gives you that satisfied feeling. So, now you have a heap of things in a box, what to do with it?
All the clothes and items you no longer need might be something somebody else could use. Donating these items can be a great help to charity organisations.
Charitable organisations, such as Safe House, can then give or sell the items to make money or if you feel up to it yourself, you can hold a garage sale and then donate the money to a charity organisation of your choice.
Here are some good reasons you should consider donating:
- By giving your unwanted clothes and items to charity, you are helping to fund the organisation and are making a difference in somebody’s life.
- Do your part to save the environment, only a small percentage of unwanted clothing is donated, the rest lands up on the garbage heap. So instead of throwing your clothes away, think again and donate.
- You may be throwing something out you don’t need anymore, but these items can be a treasure to those who having very little in possessions and clothes.
Looking to donate your clothes, but not sure where to go? Safe House can always use / distribute second hand clothing, especially clothes for women and children – even shoes! Here are more places where you can hand your old clothes in.
Why not take it a step further, and volunteer your time, there are always things that need to be done at a non-profit organisation. You don’t have to go far to volunteer or join a specific organisation, there are many things you can do that could benefit your local community.
Here are a few simple examples:
- Visit an organisation close to your heart,an hour or two of your time can make a huge difference in somebody’s life.
- Clean up litter lying around your community.
- Make up a small food box to hand out to somebody in need on your way to work.
- Know somebody who is sick or can’t get around, help out by offering to do their shopping or some other task they need done.
- Old kids’ books you don’t need anymore, you can donate these to the local library or other organization in need.
- If you simply just don’t have the time, then monetary donations made to your charity of choice, is always welcome.
“Not all of us can do great things, but we can do small things with great love” Mother Teresa
Volunteering is a way to give back to the community and help those in need, but there are also benefits to those who volunteer. Volunteering doesn’t have to be something that takes over your life, you can give as much time as you can. One or two hours a week can be enough to make a difference in somebody’s life.
Benefits of Volunteering
- You get to feel you are doing something productive and being involved
- Meet new people and make some new friends. Improve your social skills.
- Volunteering can help to reduce stress and keep your mind active
- You can add your volunteer work to your resume and may help to advance your career.
Safe House has three options where you can donate goods, your time or money. There are also websites out there that connect people to causes, like ‘forgood’, where you can donate your time, goods, money and services to any of the listed campaigns.
We’ve had some major changes to the behind the scenes running of Safe House since the start of 2018. It has not been an easy year. It was time to turn over a new leaf and refresh ourselves with a brand new look that gives cognisance to how far we have come, but also to where we are headed in the future.
We wanted our image out there in the world to mean something. We wanted to identify with its symbolism.
Here is some insight into why we now have the logo we do.
Not only does the logo now resonate with the staff of the organisation, but also the women and families we serve with the work we do. We are a shelter of hope, giving our residents a chance to create a new life where the future is bright.
If you would like to become a Friend of Safe House by donating a small monthly amount to help with our running expenses – CLICK HERE.
Find out more about being a Volunteer HERE.
Celebrating Women on a specific day or month is a great thing, it helps to bring awareness to certain important issues relating to women. But the reality is that we should respect and appreciate women every day. The harsh reality is that every day women are exposed to violence and abuse. Women are our mother’s, sister’s or friends, not one of these women should have to suffer in silence or alone.
When it comes around to that time of year again, ‘Women’s Day’, companies and others run campaigns that promote standing together and the upliftment of women. But still every day there are more and more cases of abuse being reported. This awareness should be carried throughout the year, not put back in a box until the following year again. Women should be encouraged to speak out against the violence and abuse. To shine a light on the issue and to not let it remain hidden and in the dark. By ignoring important issues, does not only affect a single women, but ripples out to touch all around her, including the children in families.
“Here’s to Strong Women. May we know Them. May We Be Them. May We raise Them.” Unknown
The best part about women’s day, is that we can celebrate all women, but we can also applaud those women who have achieved success in political, social and economic arenas. We can also commend those women and think about the women who came before us and sometimes sacrificed much so that we can have what we do today.
Ways you can celebrate Women Every Day
Sometimes the most simple things, mean the most. Give an encouraging word, tell the women in your life how much they mean to you and what you love about them. If you want to add some flower or chocolates with that, go ahead, but the words are the most important. One of the lost arts of today, is card making, and I don’t mean via 123greeting.com. Actually taking the time to make something from scratch would mean much more than a quick message on the phone, although these are nice too.
You can support women locally or internationally by making donations to your chosen charity. Make monthly contributions to help abused women or sponsor education to girls who don’t have access to schooling. There is also the option of getting involved by volunteering, doing things like handing out pamphlets or helping to organising relevant events. One of the trends every year to bring awareness to women’s issues, is to participate in run/walk events. This is very popular, fun and something you can do with family and friends.
Get together, ask all your favourite women in your life to invite a friend. In this way you can meet new people, forge new friendships and broaden your social network. Or surprise your wife, sister or friend with something good. Take them out to dinner, make the meal yourself, something special you know they would enjoy. Random acts of kindness are a great way to show appreciation. This involves spending time together, which in today’s society is very difficult for some. Everybody is always in a rush, prioritising the women and others in your life is more important.
In society, women have for many years and are still considered less or weaker, it is time to realise that women are just as strong in their own way and are there to support, nurture and be who they are meant to be. To contribute to society in a way that makes the world a better place.
Kids can also celebrate the women and mom’s in their lives. Here are a few ways to show how much you appreciate your mom.
How does addiction start, why does somebody feel the need to drink or take drugs? The main reason is many people wish to desperately change something in their lives. Some of these reasons include:
- To try and escape a bad experience and the memory of that experience, trauma or stress.
- Peer pressure, the person wants to fit in
- To rebel or even experiment
- Some even drink alcohol or take drugs to relax
- Depression or mental health issues
Even if your circumstances are difficult turning to drugs or alcohol will only worsen the condition and cause a whole set of new problems. These problems can affect your personal health and the relationships with those around you. In the case of domestic violence, it has been found that those who commit the violence have been either drinking or taking drugs. The use and addiction of drugs or alcohol is not one sided, those being abused are also at a higher risk of turning to the use of alcohol or drugs themselves.
Some of the facts about addiction and abuse:
- Those who are addicted to and abuse alcohol are at a much higher risk of displaying violent behaviour. This is especially true with people who suppress their feelings and emotions. Those who are angry and drink to the point of intoxication can lose control of their pent up anger.
- Many times those who physically abuse others while on drugs or drunk may inflict even more harm than normal.
- Many of those who become addicted are victims themselves of childhood abuse
- Treatment alone for addiction will not cure the abusive behaviour.
- Some reports reveal that a high percentage of domestic violence cases are related to alcohol or drugs.
- A very high percentage of suicides and other violent crimes can lead back to the use of drugs or alcohol.
- Many addicts are not violent, but may want to hurt themselves more than others.
- It is important to note that certain addictive substances may have different effects on different people. Certain drugs can actually affect a person’s brain to trigger aggressive behaviour.
- Many of the more highly addictive drugs or even alcohol can lower a person’s impulse control, which may lead to abusive behaviour and even sexual assault or rape.
Those who are the victims of abuse can involve married couples or partners, parents, children, siblings and relatives. Somebody who drinks and gets drunk often and then displays violent abusive behaviour may even blame the alcohol for their actions. This way they avoid taking responsibility for their abusive behaviour. The cycle of addiction and abuse needs to be stopped; otherwise it can carry on into the next generation. Studies have shown that many of the children who witness or experience the abuse, are at a higher risk of landing up in an abusive relationship themselves when they grow up. The child, of course, is also more likely to develop an addiction themselves.
The Most Common Behaviour traits of an addiction:
- Lies. An addict may lie to cover up their use of drugs
- They may even be committing crimes to get money to buy drugs
- Avoiding the responsibility
- Becoming abusive
Click here for 5 Common behaviour traits of an addict.
If you know somebody who may be addicted, learning to recognize the physical changes and also the behavioural changes can help to prevent the problem from progressing to further destructive consequences. The way to break the cycle of addiction and abuse is to seek professional help. With the help of rehabilitation and support, the addiction and abusive behaviour can be dealt with. There are many rehabilitation centres out there that can offer help, make that first step towards recovery.
DEPARTMENT OF SOCIAL DEVELOPMENT ADDICTION PROGRAMS
- Awareness and primary prevention services;
- Early intervention;
- Treatment centres;
- Reintegration and after-care support;
- Integrated programmes with the Departments of Education and Health as well as Local Drug Action Committees of Local Authorities;
- Co-ordination with partners, eg. NGO sector;
- Standardising professional and management best practices;
- Facilitate diversion programmes with the Social Crime Prevention Unit as a means of intervention with the youth at risk.
WHERE TO GET GOVERNMENT HELP
What do you think of when somebody says they are being abused? Many would first think about bruises and physical abuse, but not all abuse is physical! Emotional and verbal abuse can be just as devastating, but tends to be subtle and difficult to define. This type of abuse can be insidious and almost elusive, as many cannot pinpoint the exact problem.
“Not all wounds are visible”
Who is affected by emotional abuse? This destructive type of behaviour can occur in any type of relationship.
- Between a parent and a child
- In any kind of friendship
- With other relatives
- Emotional and verbal abuse can also be found in the workplace or at school
The effects of emotional abuse can make another person doubt themselves and others, and slowly break down a person’s self-worth or self-esteem. Whoever came up with the saying ‘sticks and stones can break my bones, but words will never hurt me’ was obviously in denial. Emotional and verbal abuse, if not dealt with correctly, can leave the person being abused with severe emotional pain and even long term psychological scars. The person being abused can develop severe anxiety and depression.
The main purpose of emotional abuse is to try and control and also to dominate another person. In many of the cases the abuser has not dealt with their own childhood traumas and may have been abused themselves. By not dealing with the issue in a constructive way and learning how to build positive relationships, the person can easily harbour resentment and anger. This person then goes out into society and displays the exact same behaviour to others.
Emotional abuse can lead to physical abuse, but not always. Although emotional and verbal abuse always seem to accompany physical abuse. Some of the signs of emotional abuse include:
- Controlling behaviour – Always asking where you are going and who you are with. The abuser will try to isolate and control everything. Displays unreasonable jealous tendencies towards friends and colleagues.
- Being manipulative and cruelly using emotional blackmail to get their way.
- Meting out punishment that is undeserved
- Emotional outburst that are unpredictable
- Those who are abusive may have unrealistic expectations – for example demanding all your time to be with them.
- Behaviour and speech that is derogative. Calling you stupid, swearing at you and undermining your thoughts and values, is derisive towards your appearance and insults your intelligence.
- Continuously accusing you of lying and casts the blame of their behaviour onto you.
- Deliberately withholding love or any type of communication and support
- Continuous use of hurtful jokes or sarcastic remarks
- In many cases overbearing and unwelcome teasing can also be seen as abusive
The first step towards any type of healing, is to recognize there is an actual problem. Some who have been in an abusive relationship for a length of time may think the problem is with them, but it’s not, stop blaming yourself. Sometimes it may be necessary to leave the abusive relationship, but if this is not the case then there must be some boundaries set. Let the person know that you will no longer participate in conversations that are meant to hurt and criticize.
You cannot change an abusive person and the choices they make, but you can control your response to them. In certain cases professional help may be needed to improve the relationship. The most important thing is not to isolate yourself and to make sure that you have a support network in place. It could be a friend, another family member, pastor or even a counsellor, but stop being silent.
The abuse cannot go on forever, eventually the stress will cause illnesses such as depression and anxiety. Remember to put your own needs first and that you no longer need to please and protect the abuser. They no longer have control or power over you.
5 Must Know signs of Emotional Abuse:
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